The Parking Lot Fields

Anarchist Canvissing

Jul 082010

Three times a week my ass. Indeed, while I was gone someone convinced me to try having a “career.” I now realized I should have told him a such a thing is a twentieth century invention and to stick in his ear as I am in no need of something so outdated. Confused? Here Terrell Owens will explain it to you. If your still confused check Kishore A. of Fighting for Freedom explains the allusion a bit better than T.O.

Though I am no sucker for nostalgia, I do ride a bicycle, which was a nineteenth century invention and is timeless. As oppossed to spending 55 hours a week at ”a career,” I will do whatever the hell I want until I am forced to get a job, which is as I understand it a much older invention that has stood the test of time. Though, I’m not sure what it is exactly I’ll be doing hopefully it will help solve all the money laundering problems in Zimbabwe. Yes, ending the global crapitalism Empire is certainly a priority, but how important I just can’t say. I haven’t seen any adds on craigslist either so it makes it a bit more difficult than jobs. If you haven’t noticed the blogtacular website has some seditious undertones. Some might even call it sardonic to the point of Anarchy. I’ve been asked by my own mummy in fact, “What does Anarchy mean? And won’t there be Chaos! What is your alternative?” They had spent much time working on their “career,” so I couldn’t really blame them. When you have a career there is no time meditations on politics realiity and misbelief, mysticismss and trickery, and besides that’s not appropriate for the office in the first place. No the bar is really a much better venue.

Anyways I got to thinking with all these people wasting their days renting themselves out. I should start an Anarchist street canvass, to enlighten them about the ways of Anarchy. For those of you unfamiliar with the term ”canvassing” it basically means either going door to door or as in this case standing on the corner and asking for money and volunteers. I’ve done it for work before, but perhaps now that I have temporarily freed myself from wage slavery I might canvass try this. So I present to you how an ideal Anarchist street canvass would opperate.

Anarchist: Hey!? You look like you can’t stand the government!

Confused Wage Slave or CWS: Yeah, those bullshit Democrats/Republicans, damn IRS, taking my money, vauge poltical reference to freedom and possibly yesteryear…

Anarchist: Indeed, so what do you do about this?

Crapped-on Worker Subordinate or CWS: Well I vote.

Anarchist: Do you know how many voters it takes to change a light bulb?

Croney Winked Sucker or CWS: I don’t know three or something…

Anarchist: Its a trick question. Voters can’t change anything (shit is also acceptable and encouraged if CWS has already gone there). Every year people line up behind either a Republican or Democrat and punch the card and though candidates are shuffled around nothing ever really changes for the better. Why don’t you do more about it?

CWS: Well I don’t really know what to do or what would be better? Show me something better, this is the best country in the world!

Anarchist: Maybe, but image if there weren’t countries or governments to rule over people. Then everyone everywhere would be better off. Doesn’t that seem better?

CWS: That sounds like Anarchy. There would be chaos!

Anarchists: So if there was no more United Snakes Government stopping you, you would go rob your neighboor?

CWS: Yeah, maybe I would.

Anarchists: Don’t you think thats a little short sighted, he will just steal from you when he figures it out. I don’t think you even know what Anarchy means, in the Greek it means without rulers, which doens’t mean there would be chaos, I mean not to fetishize the Greeks. They are kinky enough as is… Thats a different issue though, look at the world right now/ Isn’t there arleady chaos?

CWS: Look this is stupid. Of course there is some chaos, but atleast people aren’t blowing eachother up.

Anarchist: Some Chaos? I’m sorry but if you haven’t checked recently, but blowing each other up is clockwork for some poeple. Not only in Iraq and Afghanistan but around the globe. There is apartheid in “the Holy Land.” People in the Congo are at war for the metal in our cell phones. I mean there are plenty of examples of just violence against humans. We’re over farming at a rate that will turn this county into a desert just like humans did in the middle east. Ever wonder why the fertile crescent is a desert? There are hundreds of thousands of barrels of oil flying into the gulf of Mexico on the daily. Again that is just two examples. Do you really expect the system that produced these conditions to do anything about substantial about it?

Corporate Whack-job Swine or CWS: I suppose your right but what can I do about it?

Anarchist: Well what do you feel passionately about?

Career Wanting Simpleton or CWS: Well I want to help kids/ the environment/ animals/ workers/ immigrants/ LGBT people/ black and brown people everywhere/ run as an independent/ break out bank windows/ burn cop cars ect…

Anarchist: [Busts outs action calender], Well there is Group X for Issue Y meeting up this Saturday to do a family friendly March. Do you think you can be there? It starts at four.

CWS: Sure is there any thing else I can do?

Anarchist: Well, if you want want make a contribution to the cause so I can keep doing this and don’t end up in a cubical selling toilet paper rolls, but first let me get your number and email.

CWS: Okay, It’s 555-555-0003 and CWS@workerbeecorp.com. how much should I give?

Anarchist: Ten Thousand Dollars would be nice. However, I think as much as you feel comfortable giving is more appropriate.

Now this again is an ideal conversation. Most conversations wouldn’t likely go that way. Invariable you would run into objections, which should be overcome if possible. Here are some such objections, I think and anarchist street canvasser might run into?

CWS: Well how are we going to have no rulers and still get things done?

Anarchist: No rulers doesn’t mean no organization. It just means no one is the boss, everyone decides for themselves with out physical or economic coercion what to do with their time. Then decisions would be made by the people that the decisions effect. Like the decision to close a factory being made by the workers, not the some banker who has decided a fire sale of the company’s equipment and property is more profitable. Is having corporate oligarchs and political hacks miles away fighting amongst themselves for a bigger piece of the pie really a better option?

CMS: That kind of stuff has never worked.

Anarchist: Or the only examples of that time of decision making that hasn’t worked are brought to light, because the fat cats running big media don’t want you to get any bright ideas. Six years ago, it worked in Argentina when the economy collapsed. Plenty of religious groups and indigenous people have made less hierarchical and community based groups. Not to mention the autonomous zones and reclaimed spaces in Italy, Greece, and other countries that go about each day without violent internal strife. Have you really looked into this or are you just going on what you thought was the case?

CWS: Well what makes you mister know it all?

Anarchist: Look I don’t claim to have The Answers, I’ve just maybe looked into this a little more than most people. I hear most people wining about the Government, but not really thinking about what they can do to change things for the better or even understanding what the better might look light. I’m just trying to have a conversation with you and see what your passionate about, so I can connect you with people who are passionate about the same thing. If you don’t want me to do that for you, then you are free to turn and walk away. If you care to keep talking what are you you politically passionate about?

Now this is a scenario I would expect to be unfortunately inevitable.

CWS: Well if we could just get rid of those damn Blacks/ Jews/ Arabs/ Mexicans/ Japanese/ Whites/ Gays/ Catholics, ect…

Anarchist: Whoa, I think your getting the wrong idea here. If you really are going to blame all your problems on one group of people, I don’t think we should be talking. The problem isn’t a certain group of people, the problem is the people who think they can order people about to better themselves and the institutions that allow them to do it. To be clear, if you refuse to judge people based on the content of their character, but on some other erroneous characteristic, I can’t do anything for you.

Or you could get something like this.

CWS: Alright, Hells Yeahs, lets go violently overthrow the government and take that shit over.

Anarchist: Whoa, I think you’ve gotten the wrong idea. Although I can appreciate a diversity of tactics, You can’t replace a violent and repressive order with a violence and repression. That will just lead to the same set of conditions with different people at the top. Any real revolution can only use violence when all other options are exhausted. Until people are out in the streets and the government is shooting and them, wide scale violence against any humans is simply unacceptable. Are you familiar with Monkey Wrenching or the Luddites?

Anyways that would be my way of Anarchist canvassing. It would be fun to try, maybe I just might.

Kick it Like a Kennedy

Pop Culture Politics No Responses »

Jun 082010

I love it when people who look up to Ronald Reagan or George Bush (either or) blame rappers or athletes with failing to provide a good role model, as if if their role models aren’t just as fucked up. While the ”conservatives” in this country are often lampooned for their idiocy, “Liberals” tend to get a free pass, especially when they bring up the Kennedys. ”Liberals” and ”conservatives” in quotes because neither really mean what they are suppossed to, but I will tackle that on a latter date. This post, as you might have surmised is to tearing down the epic mythology of the Kenneddy family.

I picked the Kennedy’s because the becuase I just read the book The Kennedy Men: Three Generations Of Sex, Scandal And Secrets by Nellie Bly. Again I picked the Kennedys also for the strength of the myth that allows people to revere them with out looking like a moron. This myth even fooled the cynical me. Until a while back I might have defended Kennedy, but now the only thing they are responsible for that I can be proud of is JFK smoking the green in the White House. The point of this post isn’t that the Kennedys are the worst politicalicians ever to hypnotize a people. Stalin did alot more terrible things than all the Kennedy’s combined. However, we hold the Kennedy’s a little bit differently in the history books. Comparing Stalin to the Kennedys isn’t apt, a more apropriate comparison would be to some of the Gangsters Ole Joe and the boys relied on for votes. Who Bobby later turned his back on.

The point of this article is that to attack the notion that our politicans are anyone to look up to. This article goes out the the people who champion FDR with out looking closely enough at his legacy to rember the Japanese internment camps or his own Machevelian political tactics. Looking up to politicians as role models is either naive or sinister, but a truely sinister person would probably say they like to keep thier work and personal lifes seperate and they only look up to politicians on the purely proffesional level of fucking people over. Eitherway its time for the poeple suffering from political stockholm syndrome to do the rest of us a favor and wise up.

Fist off lets get one thing straight the Kennedy’s great plan for America was them running it. That’s it. Their legecsy was not great dreams of a liberal utopia, nor a great vision for civil rights, nor a surrepticious attack on the Federal Reserve as some conspiracys theorist are fond of suggesting, just a quest for power. They were plain and simple politicians.

Joe and Rose, being good Catholics pumped out nine children: Joe, John, Rosemary, Kathleen, Eunice, Patricia, Bobby, Jean and Teddy. In the quest for the Presidency and power Joe, John, and Bobby would be kiled, Rosemary lobotamized, Kathleen excomunicated for marying a divorce Anglican and Teddy driven over the brink of aceptable insanity. While the Kennedy’s were raised learning that winning was everything, the girls weren’t allowed to participate in politics. One reason we know them no by one name, but my many (JFK/Jack/John/President John F. Kennedy, RFK/Bobby/Senator Robert F. Kennedy, Teddy/Ed/Eddy/Senator Edward) is because Ambasador Joe/Joeseph senior/Ambassodor Joesepth P. Kennedy cultivated a long and lasting relationship with the press including megoliths like William Radolf Hearst. Copy-councious reporters had to think up cut nicknames some of which were used at Kennedy request such as JFK, which brings to mind FDR.

This leads me to the first myth that the Kennedys stood up for womens rights. Joe said Eunice would have made a great politican if only she had some balls. The men for their part all were notorious adulters, banging movie stars, campagin workers, prostitutes, and pretty much any half way decent looking girl kind enough to spread her legs to them. While this doesn’t necissarily disqualify from being a feminist the way the Kennedys treated the partners in their sexcapades does.

Marylin had the privledge of being dumped by not one but two Kennedy’s. Yes, they shared their women. Both Bobby and Jack cut of ties with the Marylin by having her private line cut from their offices with-out telling her. She called them only to recieve a message that the line had been disconnected. After that she was stonewalled by the secretarys. President JFK warned female visiters that “…the Ambassador likes to Prowl…” after whitnessing his father opening his robe on a young female visitor and waking her by saying, “this will be something your never going to forget.” Johnny Boy though had learned early how to treat women, when he caught his Dad boning some young puntang on their yacht. He was so startled he jumped overboard. Clearly he wasn’t too horrified as he was fond of taking a nude swim with his secrataries “fiddle” and “faddle.” One person said he used to order up prostitutes like most poeple order a sandwich.

The second myth is that they are some liberal demigods who after all the philandering they still were out for the people. The Kennedy’s were natorious cheapskates. Ambassador Joe used furs and jewels to seduce a movie star working for his film company and later charging the items to her company account. He even made her pay for her trailer. Kennedy help was paid minimum wage and were often borrowed from by the family. President Kennedy used to borrow money from his friend every week from his friend for the collection plate. He rarely paid it back. This was when he was president.

When the Ambassador was asked by a eeger young campaign worker what dreams he had for America that his son would fulfill he laughed in his face. His plan was complete. The only reason the Kennedy’s wanted to the Presidency was to rest their slutty taints on the seat of power. They just wanted to bone models and pop bottles, to have it their way or to make ‘em pay, get gorey to get the glory ect.

The myth that they are were a happy family is perhaps most hilarious. Ambassador Joe (FYI: he bought his ambassadorship from FDR), had plans for his children. Joe and Roses ambitions and vanity had more casualties than those taken by an assassin’s bullet. Rosemary who wasn’t content to be a political pawn and perhaps neglected. had “emotional problems” which included sneaking out an wandering around at 2 a.m. Eventually Joe had her lobotomized. In his defense, lobotomies were all the rage back then. Needless to say Rosemary was a vegetable the rest of her life. She was locked away in an institution rarely visited by anyone but one of her sisters. The press of course was lied to about this. It was implied she was a nun or some other bullshit.

After John F. Kennedy’s highly exagerated exploits on the south pacific during WWII, were turned into national headlines by Joe and his magic media machine, Joe Jr., the eldest s0n who was used to being incharge, decided he to was destined for military glory. After completing two dangerous bombing tours, he voulounteered for a risky mission taking out the Buzz Bombs hitting london at the time. His plane malfunction and he died. This is perhaps a good thing as he was probably the most entitled and ruthless of the Kennedy children.

When it was Teddy’s turn to sacfafice himself on the altar of power, he simply became widley alcoholic. His atrocious behavior finally resulted in him drowing and campaign cutie and not reporting it for eight hours ensuring her demise. His presidential hopes were dashed, yet some how he remained senator till death.

Anyways these were just some highlights of the thorough thrashing Nellie Bly gives of the most stupendous and horrendous myths to affict the American Politity. Anyways the moral of the story is not to fall for the Party line and never to vote for the same person twice thus ending the circle jerk of voting for bank rolled cowards. Remember voting for a Republican or Democrat or anyother professional politician is throwing your vote away. Be warned though morals didn’t get the Kennedy’s Jack shit. No he won the prize the old fasion way, ruthlessness, hypocrisy, and a good dose of intimidation.

Religious Whack Jobs

Political Economy No Responses »

Jun 042010

They warn, “never trust the power of a true believer.” Indeed a true believer is a dangerous as a schizophrenic that is hearing command voices (kill the one with the yellow spectacles). They both are hearing voices telling them to do things. In both cases reasoning ability is subsumed by the voice of the Almighty. Only we put dangerous schizophrenics in rooms with padded walls, while allowing religious whack jobs use their piety to gain status and power to reinforce their own wanton views upon the world. Its quite the contradiction.

While the “Religious Right” in this country may have been responsible for electing the most irresponsible and reprehensible president of recent history, zealots in this country have much to learn from the whack jobs over seas. They are much more adept at the art of lunacy and tryanical puritanism than anyone state side.

One extremely sticky situation that made some ripples last weekend is that of the Israel and Palestinian conflict. A flotilla of activists was boarder by Israeli commandos, for trying to bring stuff to the Palestinians in Gaza without the permission of Israel. The interesting thing about this conflict is that on both sides combatants are so completely involved in the conflict that any sort of reasoning or compassion normally gets tossed out the window early on. As was the case here.

Listening to and reading the rationalization by the agents of the state of Israel for their actions is at times mind boggling. Most apparent is it seams that the Israelites, though very dependent on support from the U.S. still don’t quite understand out traditions. The reaction on the ship from Turkey has been repeatedly described as a lynch mob, an art the southern whites of the U.S. perfected during Jim Crow era. In this gruesome display of xenophobic mob rule, a mob is first formed. Then the mob travels to the residence of the Lynchee. The lynchers then demand for the head of the Lynchee and threaten violence against others if specific lynchee is not surrender to them. Then they kill the lynchee.

The group most associated with this tactic was the Klu Klux Klan. Now they lynched Jews as well as Blacks and the occasional Gypsy or Catholic. So it supries me that so many Jews can seem to be confusing a lynch mob with violent resistance. See normally the lynchee was unarmed and occupyed a lowly rank in society. It is hard to lynch miliary personel because they armed. A key to a successful lynching is that the the person being lynched is powerless.

Now another key to aspect to lynching is that the crowd must go after the lynchee. As in romance the chase is half the fun. There was never a case of lynching in the south where a group of Black folks came to a Klu Klux Klan rally with paint ball guns and started pushing people in white robs around. No the Klan would have to seek out their prey, they never rappelled out of helicopters into their laps. See Black people in the Jim Crow South knew they weren’t invited to such gatherings and as such didn’t go into them with paintball guns hoping that the Klan would peacefully disperse.

While I’m sure that the Israeli soldiers lives were in danger (one of them died, I think), they managed to kill 9 activists. Though we hear about the rocket attacks on Israel, its pretty rare we hear about the the death tolls on the other side of the wall. Like the time a Israeli soldier shot a Palestinian boy. Or of course the white liesIsrael was telling about its ordinance. Some have said there was insufficient intelligence during the planning of this raid. I’d agree.

However, the most hypocrisy has come from Israelis describing Hamas as a terrorist organization. Hamas for those of you prefer to live your lives with your heads up your arse (excuse my British) has been democratically elected by the Palestinian people to represent them. So when Israel says it has a right to defend itself like any other state, Hamas theoretically has the same right if it is part of the government that rules Palestinians. All the while Israel is casting Palestinians as religious extremists when Israel fights wars (killed people) to take back land that they believe God had explicityly to them. Anyways… thats all for today…

Triumphant (err… fairly routine) Return

Pop Culture Politics No Responses »

May 312010

After a long hiatus the ParkingLotFields is back. My apologies to you ten or so readers. I realize you must have been terribly lost in the great swashy-swashy of the network news cycle, amidst the tremors of what looks like the end of the world as we know it! I was too occupied traveling up a “degree” in society to maintain my efforts knocking the rest of it down a few. Now that I am done with four years of the medieval institution called the University and had two weeks to drink myself back to present day, I will once again commence my blabbering on this blog.

Seriously, though the shit has hit the proverbial fan. Pehaps I’ve been drinking myself back to modernity to hard as post apocalyptic science fiction movies are beginning to take on a new and frightening dimension of reality. Oil leaks, that people keep calling a spill (a spill is a one time expulsion of a finite amount of liquid; a leak is the letting of a ongoing stream of liquid which if unattended will continue into perpetuity) are turning the gulf of Mexico into a toxic lagoon. Out of which, the swamp thing will someday emerge. Its not funny though, and not simply for the poor quality joke. The reality is BP is using a toxic chemical to disperse the oil. So if you plan to go to the beach in Forida anytime in the next few or… years, you’ll get the chance to swim in crude oil and poisonous dispersant.

The dispersant doesn’t actually break down the oil into anything else, it just spreads it out. That way all the crude and dispercent will coat you evenly in a cancerous toxic bath. The last step is a nuclear emergency in the gulf and we’ll have a legit zombie bath on our hands. Wild life will turn into mutant zombie life forms and spread the mutanous zobie disease that so many comic books and movies predicted. Yeah, if I lived on the gulf coast I would run to the mountains. Get to the highlands before the inevitable nuclear “incident” creates a tidal wave of zombipathiocancertitus.

On second thought… The mountains might not offer the same protection they once had, since many have been blown to bits. I suppose as long as we don’t blow up all the mountains and posion all the oceans, we can still sit at home not enjoying them just the same whilst whatching too much T.V. That way will still have the un-exercised option to get off our fat asses and do something that doesn’t involve buying something or being tempted to buy something.

Anyways, I’m writing a letter to some editors about what I think should be done to those responsible for ruining the gulf of mexico so they could make a quick killing. I’ll put an extended version up when it is done and the papers haven’t published it.

Indeed though much more shit, hath passed. Here is quick recap. Close to my locale a Chicago area man shot a boy because the boy’s dog shat in his yard while two State reps from illinios called for the national gaurd to deal with violence. A bit further away the mind bending masters of the economy at Goldman got called to congress for a national bitch-out. Luckily the geeks at Goldman were well tutored by their attorneys. While the Senate was too spineless, well paid, or clueless to really cue into the parts of the argument that could have landed some execs in Sing Sing for a date with some of the meaner boys from Harlem. That way the Fabulous Fab and friends can keep ruining the economies of the world.

Here’s a clue for the brilliant minds who managed to kiss enough butt to get to the running joke we call congress: when bankers say they are paying special attention to liquidity, it means they are paying attention to how quick they can off load their miracle elixir securities laced with iodine to widows and orphans. It means they are not concerned with the actual value of the securities. Therefore selling said securities under the pretext of real or underlying value is at the least scum-baggery and at best felonious.

Out West, the state of Arizona wants to check your papers or throw you in jail. We could conceivably trick the type of gentleman who likes ruining our economoy and envioroments with some sort of trip to the only remaining oil-free vacation coast in the mainland United States. Once california legalizes the ganja in November, the stoners of the Golden State can just take it upons themselves to prey on the unsespecting corprate leaches. Once Medicino county becomes the Napa Valley of cannabis all the elites will look to the newly legal means of intoxication as a status symbol. Once these light weights get baked beyond composure, the hippies of Humboldt can get vengeance for all of us by stealing their I.D. and then taking them against their will to Arizona for imigrant bounty. I don’t think immigrant bounty part of the law just yet, but I’m sure its only a matter of time . Then we can lock these tie toting pricks up in the pen for spilling toxins into our our oceans and financial systems (well technically we’d be locking them up for being foreign, but it’s the locked up part that matters).

On the world stage revolutionary acts are being perpetrated all over the place with out racist laws to take advantage of. Some very pissed of K rygs, Thai, and Greeks all rose up in acts of defiance of their governments this spring. The Krygs kicked their government out. The Thai kicked a significant dent in the GDP, by shutting down the heart of Bankok for six weeks. While the Greeks burned down a bunch of shit. People died in all of these clashes, though the only deaths the media seems that sympathetic about are the late bank workers in Greece. There is a lesson to be learned here though: work is less important than crossing a general strikes picket line. Anyways I suppose the main stream mediagarchy doesn’t give two shits about the violence in Kyrgyzstan and Thailand because they can’t clearly blame the rebels for the violence and, well central and southeast Asians rebels aren’t quite white enough to be given the full human treatment reserved for pussy bank workers who should be out in the streets. Anyways its a great time to travel to these countries if you like cheap hotel bills or throwing rocks at cops.

That is my Triumphant (err fairly routine) return and recap of the craziness occurring everywhere. Hopefully, from this point onward I’ll be posting thrice weekly. If I don’t live up to this, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Unless… you click on the donate button a few times. Then you can threaten not to anymore. So give me some cash so I can rationalize ignoring others and laying down on the job to blabber on this blog.

Prima Donna Politics

Political Economy 1 Response »

Feb 162010

*link in this post contains disturbing photos that you look at as to remember not everyone gets to go to work a decent job everyday, buy useless shit, get fat, and watch TV with their families in peace.

The metaphor that casts our leaders as “actors” on the “world stage” makes me cringe. Could there be a more misleading and romantic metaphor for international politics? Granted it is a great way to attract the avaricious and vain to the leadership. Tell them they will be like Marlon Brando or Audry Hepburn , a great star in the great unfolding drama of history. Frighteningly enough, this is exactly how poli-sly students are taught to think about international politics.

Sure as Shakespeare noted,

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,

But the so called actors on the world stage tend to determine other peoples “exists” and might even prevent some people from entering in the first place. This is exactly the problem. An actor works in the realm of fiction. Our politicians clearly don’t need the encouragement to dabble in fiction. The result can be very embarrassing. Not to mention deadly. And even white lies* can have damning and terrible consequences.

This metaphor clearly contributes to the lemons problem (as we say in ickonomics) that we face when it comes to “leadership.” All the nice people don’t really care about bossing other people around. The quintessential “A-hole”, however, thrives on power, and naturally takes advantage of any chance to tell people what to do. Its an ironic maladjustment inherent to hierarchy. The people at the top must step on other people to get there and naturally the ones who rise to the top also tend to be the most ruthless. Which leads us to our next old as dirt smart dude quote, Niccolo Machiavelli, “If you only notice human proceedings, you may observe that all who attain great power and riches, make use of either force or fraud.”

The powerful and ambitious must one-up one another in ruthlessness to obtain power. They must be willing to break the rules because everybody else is. It is impossible to be successful without having the same edge. Look at Jimmy Carter. Everyone says he was just too nice of a guy. Another example is the behavior of banks during the mortgage bubble inflation. If they didn’t dabble in the risky stuff the customers would take their money somewhere else to get a higher return. Bush most likely won the Presidency twice by voter fraud in Ohio and Florida. Gore was just too much of wimp for that. If you can’t take the heat, then don’t try to raise hell. That’s what I say.

As if these natural inclinations of society aren’t enough, we go around glorifying our rulers and making them celebrities. The media also loves to do this, because they need characters and stories, not accurate news. Accurate news tends to get boring. George W. Bush is a lone-start desperado type. Palin is a rouge. Apparently because she is as dumb as the average Republican voter. President Obama is the ambassador of change we can believe in. This fact is vetted by his brown skin but contradicted by his economic team. Although he is being cast more and more as a Jimmy-chump-Carter type as the republicans do everything they can to block legislation. Or a Maoist if you like to take your commentary from nationalist snake oil salesmen.

But what about those actors in the big show. Hugo Chavez, the new great red tyrant, who is stealing the land and oil from foreign companies that they worked so hard to steal from the indigenous populations in the first place. There is also Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran. He is currently playing the scary nuclear zealot. Kim Jong Il just wasn’t ready for the spotlight. Hopefully Mr. Arhmadinejad isn’t planning on doing anything too drastic during the second act.

All these characterizations though lead us to believe in images of our leaders. We then judge them based on their how they are playing their role. This allows us to conceptualize political issues on the basis of feeling rather than thought. It is always so much easier to feel than to think. The whole don’t-think-double-think routine. Chavez isn’t a democratically elect populist grappling with an elite controlled media and U.S. backed coup attempts, he is tyrannical socialist. Ahmadinejad isn’t trying to arm his country as well as most the countries that oppose him. He is bat shit crazy hell-bent on destroying Israel and all the rest of the infidels. (To be fair though he is a theocratic ruler, which to some qualifes for bat shit crazy [depends on if you're from Texas], and seems a little hell-bent on destroying Israel.) Bush isn’t a dumb-shit megalomaniac. He just your average guy who isn’t scared to go it alone and get ‘er done. Obama isn’t a moderately liberal democrat. He is the harbinger of change and great imperial wizard of freedom. Need proof he represents change you believe in? He is black, if you haven’t noticed. It doesn’t matter his economic team has been borrowed from the most elite offices of Wall St. It doesn’t matter has escalated the conflict in Afghanistan. And it doesn’t matter that he has acted like a big puss-ball when it came timeto trying to get promised health-care reforms passed. All that matters is that he is the hope and change we can believe in (because he is black). All these characterizations are great, just great… only not of you want to understand reality.

Our leaders aren’t actors playing out some great drama. They rule us in real life. Their decisions have real (often dire) consequences. So next time you turn on the boob- tube and some fast talking pundit present a caricature of a world leader, take a second to think about why your being presented with this crude image of a human being instead of a less dramatic profile.

A Crazy Little Thing Called Greeting Card Marketing

Pop Culture Politics No Responses »

Feb 142010

It’s that time of year again. Love, lust and bitter disappointment are in the air. For so many hopeful singles Valentines day is another kick in the groin in the arduous task of finding a mate. For today’s young girls and guys love is a dangerous game. We’ve grown to believe in the best of both worlds, that we can be completely secure in our own identities and still get the object of our desires when we so choose. We distrust long term relationships, probably because most of our parents are divorced, and pretend like the single life is just as gratifying. However, when it comes down to it we all want somebody to love or more specifically, to love us.

That is the ironic thing about love. Something that is supposed to be unselfish devotion is rooted in the desire to have that one person who can’t live without us. Which of course is bullshit. If a piano were to drop on you’re main squeeze’s head and squash them to death of course you could go on living. It would be hard, but you’d survive. Although there are some instances where people are motivated enough to end their own life after they lose their lover, they are generally the exception that proves the rule. While I don’t like to jump to conclusions, unless of course if we are playing the Office Space inspired board game, I generally characterize suicides, no matter what the circumstances, as completely irrational bordering on bat-shit-crazy. Of course I am being cold and cynical, but that is what I do here.

The most epic tech-innovation for judging someones level of dissatisfaction with the holiday is facebook. While I’m sure people have posted even more pathetic things on myspace, I don’t cut myself to relieve stress and have only thought about dying my hair jet black in passing. So I stick to facebook. Everyone seems to have a witty or not so witty Valentines Day facebook status. “Happy Valentines Day <3 ” is a stock status for single girls. As far as I can tell this means, “please, someone, anyone wish me a happy Valentines and make a pass at me.” Straight up cynics might go with the “Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day” following Liz Lemon’s example from 30 Rock who chooses to honor the first wave feminist born on the 14th rather than capitulate to Hallmark’s schemes. Others summed up their view on Valentines days by saying that it is “overrated.” Thus proving they don’t really care that no one is giving them flowers. Though by far the most pathetic Valentines Day status I ran acrross was a video montage dedicated to “a friend.” This video reportedly took four hours to make and involved plenty of dorm room dancing antics. While I’m glad to say no video footage of myself engaging in such behavior exists, if it didn’t I would be pretty with whoever put it on the internet. If this magnanimous waste of time isn’t a proof of loneliness and heart-ache I don’t know what is. The saddest part is seems to try to portray the author as happy and fulfilled socially by showing how good of friends they have. This going above and beyond to prove how stable and secure you are with your current social arrangement is the most disturbing part of what this holiday does to the single.

However, I suppose there is a brighter side of love. Its nice when people can find someone they are truly happy with and have a beautiful and harmonious relationship. However, let it be stated that I don’t want to be anywhere near these freaks. While the couple that is always at each others throats is not the most fun to be around, I would hangout with them any day over the couple so in love that it’s stomach churning. At least with the constantly fighting couple you can pick sides, switch sides, and add to the general dysphoria. In the opposite situation there is no room to coexist. You can join in on their embarrassing baby talk, but they won’t like it. Take it from me they might even think you are mocking them and their foolish belief that they are “perfect” for one another. You can also take it from me that after they get done kissing, yelling “my turn” and trying to pounce on which ever one is of interest will not be received cordially. No, when around people who really believe they’ve found “the one” the only thing to do is sit there and be angry at the world that you’re all alone in. Fortunately in a few months they will start to get sick of one another and begin to bicker and fight like all couples in a healthy relationship.

The important thing for the single is to keep taking risks. If there are no risks there is no reward. The great thing about the economics of romance is you only invest shreds of your dignity at a time, and even if you lose it you’re not much worse off. If the romantic gambit fails then you end up stuffing your face alone, pretty much what you would have been doing any ways. (Exactly what I am about to do right now.) Your dignity only stays broken until you forget the embarrassing episode, and you are no worse off for trying.

Amidst the candy, flowers, and bitterness there are some brave souls out there reminding us that love isn’t just a game, it’s a contest. Like Jeff Ondash a “speed hugger” complete with fire retardant suit in case the hugging gets out off control, who set the world record for the most hugs in twenty-four hours. The man hugged 7777 people outside a casino in Vegas. He is quite the hug-slut. But leave it to those hot blooded Latino peoples though one up Teddy McHuggin’s exploits. Mexico City set the world record for biggest make-out party yesterday. 40,000 people gathered in the town center to kiss their loved one with 19,998 other couples.

Luckily the media has picked up on these interesting stories so we won’t be distracted with newsworthy stories like how many people NATO killed with its rocket attack this weekend or what Iran will do when it finally gets the bomb. Then we’d all really feel lonely.

Goldman, Goldman, Goldman.

Political Economy No Responses »

Feb 102010

Just what are we to do with you? It recently came out that Goldman Sachs has helped Greece conceal large portions of it national debt. Thus allowing them the Greeks an extra $1 billion in credit. The rainmakers at Goldman used fancy derivatives to hide that the Greek government was getting exchange rates better than the going market rates on Euros when it financed new debt. The debt was taken out in different currencies than the Euro, but was for Euros.

This is the great scam of international finance, especially for less established nations. We will loan you plenty of Euros, but we want it paid back in Dollars. This is can be devastating for developing nations. If they try to print their own currency foreign companies refuse it as payment. No one will take it, it isn’t real. Its only real if they borrow it from someone else in a currency currently accepted. When they are unable to pay back their loans countries like Haiti are cut off from credit, “It must be right that a nation buried in rubble must not also be buried in debt.” We will only bury nations in debt free of ruble. Its only logical, how will they pay off the loans if the country is buried in ruble?

Goldman seams to be rearing its head everywhere these days. The bank also made new by suggesting that American investors need to be more “worldly.” Which is euphemism for move your money over seas where the getting is good because there is no money to be made here in the U.S.

The “bank holding company” is also in the news haggling with AIG saying the insurer ows it more money on insured assetts that went south. AIG is claiming just the opposite that Goldman overstated its losses and that Goldman needs to pay back some of the money. While the two mega-finance corporations squabble over the easy government money. This year has not been spectacular for AIG, for Goldman however 2009 has been a year of record profits.

Re-capitalized by the government Goldman did what it does best in 2009, capitalize. Since the other American premier investment houses Bear Stearns and Lehman either were absorbed or destroyed by the market, Goldman was the only game left in town willing to dabble in the scary stuff. Taking advantage of the slack market Goldman bought the risky mortgaged backed securities at low prices and turned record profits in 2009.

Yeah, Goldman Sachs raked in 13.4 billion this year. Just for a point of refference, if Goldman Sachs was its own country it would push out Gana for the 100th spot on the list for GDP accross all nations. Of course even though average total employee compensation at Goldman is $500,000 per year, the CEO is making headlines for only taking $9 million worth in stocks for bonus. This is after it earlier came to light that he was set to stash a hundred million this year. Poor guy. Blankfien will just have to get by. Hopefully he stashed some of his $68 million bonus from 2007 for a rainy day. Or he could just have some of those guys who working with the Greeks to hide a hundred billion in derivatives… one hundred times more than what he made…

The saddest part of the whole situation is while Americans love to bash the corporate chieftains for their greed yet we are still completely enamored by them. From the industrial revolution onward the characterization of businessmen has gone back and forth between two different character types. The captain of industry, master of organization sent and ordained by the Almighty to make decision inferior creatures are incapable of.Of course the doppelganger is the greedy capitalist pig willing to do whatever it takes to protect its profits. A significant shift occurred. In the past the U.S. economy was reliant on our industry to make stuff poeple buy. Since the 1970′s more and more profits have come increasingly from stock jobbing or financial speculation – in the jargon of late. More and more people have been making money not by making tangible goods but in the markets. They have been making more and more money by betting on (or against) savings and loans, tech stocks, and mortgage schemes. Activities that don’t end up making any useful things.

The result is that no longer is that what’s good for GM is whats good for America, its what’s good for Goldman that’s good for America (not exactly leisurely reading). GM hasn’t made a profit off an car in decades. They make money off the loan on the car. Economic dependency on our financial services sector, which surely lends itself to political clout, is what got the laws separating banking activities and regulating risk wiped from the books. Now, businesses can contribute unlimited amounts of money to political campaigns. No doubt Goldman will have a bit more leverage over legislators than they gained with Blankfien’s hurricane defense of the low interest rate – double ended – speculative frenzy we call the housing bubble. Such undeserved power might ensure the business community a deregulated climate for conjuring up the perfect storm.

Tea Party Politics

Political Economy 2 Responses »

Feb 072010

A recent phenomenon that has sweeping the nation has been the Tea Parties. These direct actions have no translated into a “movement,” according to most new-sources. This movement, as it apparently has called, just had its first National Convention, with Sarah Palin as the key note speaker. In case you haven’t been paying attention Palin lauded the Tea Party Phenomenon as beautiful. She also took the chance to take some simple-minded pot shots at president Obama. She chided, “how’s the hope-y and change-y stuff working out for you?” The difference between Palin beating this line to death and all the other dumb-ass right wingers out there using it, is that Palin was given $100,000 to offer such insight. Nevermind that “hope” and “change” were vague and ephemeral campaign slogans that proved to be successful in getting the man elected.

However I must say, the tea partiers are the equivalent of the democrats who thought electing Obama was the a “movement”. Unfortunately electing mainstream politicians or campaigning for them (basically what the tea party is doing by forming PAC’s and providing grass roots conservative organizing) , isn’t exactly Radical. Just because the man is half black, which makes him all black in the U.S., doesn’t mean he is going to turn the system on its head.Though that is what most seem to think.

So the U.S. manages to be just as racist as before. The fist Black President has the republican-idiocracy turning out for spontaneous mass demos and has the democratic-lackeys thinking all their problems have been solved for them. Really though it’s sad that the first Black President is elected and white people just start having meetings in Pizza Huts to figure out what to do next. Though a lot of the tea party propaganda evokes the cold war a fair amount is overtly racist. Similarly the best thing to ever happen to Klan membership was the civil rights movement.

Both sides think a radical has been elected just because he is brown, when in truth the man is moderate as vanilla ice-cream. The most revolutionary policy he has attempted has been instituting a public health-care system, and he gave up under pressure from congress. For all you jackasses who think that is radical lets list the developed countries with-out some form of universal health care: The United States of America. That was easy. I thought we’d be here all night.

The section of the American polity best represented by the Tea Party movement is proof of Steven Luke‘s third face of power. The basic idea of this theory is that people are indoctrinated with a false consciousness that doesn’t allow them to properly understand politics as it relates to their own interests. They become confused as to what their interests actually are. Then the rulers, whoever has the power it doesn’t have to be a monarch, is able to get their subjects to act serve their interests while the subjects think they are serving their own. Tea Party convention is proof that this phenomenon exits.

For example one of the things the Tea Partiers agreed on was their bread and butter issue: fiscal responsibility. I’m not sure if this was before or after they sang happy birthday to Ronald Reagan, who would have been 99 this week. Tea Partiers aren’t likely aware of this, but Ronald Reagan was piss-poor on fiscal responsibility. Not just him, all of our Republican Administrations have been terrible with countries finances. Oh, well I guess I can blame them its not like that information is out there for free on the internet.

While the Tea Party bills it self as a populist movement (which is further proof these people are delusional seeing as the poor would benefit from social programs they are railing against), the cost of attendance to the weekend long even was just under six hundred dollars. While this evoked grumblings from some of the tea partiers, from the press reports not too many wanted to form a formal third party. Not surprisingly Palin encouraged the convention goers that America is ready for a revolution while urging them to vote Republican! We need a revolution kiddies. Now go out there and punch my party’s ticket. You’ll be part of a revolution…

It many ways the Tea Party effect speaks to the wondrous nature of the political mass-0consciousness. With the rising Podge comes the falling Hodge. Which will soon, no doubt, rise again. In other words, for every action an equal reaction. The liberals have a fake revolution with the first Black President. So the republicans need a fake revolution too with the Tea Party. I do agree with Gov. Palin, we’re ready for a revolution, but when is the real revolution going to happen?

The Boston Tea Party wasn’t a non-violent demo caught up in race and partisan politics. It was a criminal act. These weren’t fat blue collar Americans working under some delusional capitalism vs. communism paradigm, they were intelligent professionals provoking a war. They didn’t want to pay taxes to the same sort of multi-national financial exploitation mechanism our own elites now pressure on other counties. The Boston Tea Party was part of a revolution. The Modern Tea Party is an inbred preemptive counter-revolution. The preemptive nature of the movement is because there was no real revolution to counter. Its just the mere notion of one is that scary to these miserable slobs who think America is baseball, the Cleavers, white picket fences, tilt-o-whirl and that a communist agents are trying to take it all away.

Spartan Brevity vs. LoLz LmAO!

Pop Culture Politics No Responses »

Feb 042010

Many of the old-timers I’ve met, Anyone over 40 or 45, have commented on my generation’s taste for brevity.* They bitch about text messages and instant messaging, “What ever happened to writing a letter? No one writes letters anymore!” Email, okay. Email, that’s what happened.

It is true the allure of instant gratification has spread to our kitchens to our communications. Twitter and text messaging is the informational equivalent of frozen food and the microwave. Papers like the free Red Eye here in Chicago boil down the news to ultra short-form journalism. They “nuggetize it.” Doesn’t matter if its chicken or media, process the shit out of it and they will swallow it whole. What used to take a full paragraph now takes a sentence-and-a-half. Now sure all you old-timers can wine about the deteriorating effects of our watered down correspondences, I do all the time, but what about the possible positive aspects? I think laconic discourse can be good or bad, but either way its inevitable.

In an information age there is too much damn information! How else is my generation supposed to deal with the massive amounts of info available for us. Sure thanks to deregulation of the telecoms sector in the nineties mass media is dominated by ten companies. That’s why mass media sucks, but the Internet changed the game. Wikipedia alone has claimed months of my life. We need something to strain that information so we don’t go absolutely crazy. We are all half-crazy. In the post-post-modern age if you don’t agree you’re little crazy, you need to be locked up. Because trust me you are crazy and potentially dangerous. Know anyone who thinks they have it all under control? Run. Run before you see just how in control they think they are.

I admit, the increasing appeal of brevity of the information age has spawned the nefarious institution of internet speak. Thankfully I think this blog is a little to high-brow to get an “OMG! Lolz ur blog like ToTaLlY made me LMFAO!!!! : O” comments. This is bad brevity. However, brevity is not always a sign of stupidity. In fact according to Shakespeare, a man who knew a thing or two about tying words together, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” That’s right. It isn’t just your imagination old-timers. We are a bunch of smart asses who like to back talk. We just can’t get enough of ourselves. This isn’t such a bad thing once you think about how many problems could have been avoided if more people talked back.

2006 Wall Steet: “Just rate those mortgage backed securities A double plus plus. We need that Hedge Fund’s buissiness!”

1973 Ford Headquarters: “Screw recalling the death trap, just hire some more lawyers its gonna be cheaper to go to court.”

1955 Phillip Morris Head Quarters: “Just bury those files we have about cigarettes causing cancer”

1940 Berlin: “So here is my final solution… ”

On and on into the annals of prehistory, if only there were more smart asses perhaps there would be less suffering.

I’m not saying that my generation’s knack for being short has translated into an automatic vehicle for questioning authority. It might have just translated into us telling all of our “followers” how delicious that pancake breakfast was via mobile phone, but nonetheless perhaps it makes us more apt to think twice. How many times have you sweated over a text, analyzing every word, making sure it hits that special person just right? That is the way I know how much I like a girl. Anything over ten minutes per message and it might be love.

Anyways before Generation Y staked out a monopoly on brevity another group of people did it better. The great Rulers of Lakonia, the Spartans set a high standard for brevity (yes, that is why laconic is a synonym for brief). In Ancient Sparta talk was not cheap. These people prided themselves on being hard. An ancient Spartan would have the baddest thugs on the South Side shaking in their Timberlands. These were people who purposely didn’t feed their children enough so they would have to steal. If they got caught though they would be flogged. This so they would be good at stealing. Being that tough they didn’t need much communication. They didn’t need to be asked if they had a good day or how they were feeling. If they were going to debase themselves with such an emotional need as conversations well it damn well better be short. It implies clarity, certitude, and strength. It is no surprise good writing has short sentences. Short sentences punch.

So great and ballsy were the Spartan when it came to brief etiquette they gave us a lines that still managed to be the best writing in a modern full length feature. “Then we will fight in the shade” responded Leonidas to Xerxes’ messengers when threatened that Persian’s arrows would block out the sun. There are many other great Spartan sayings. When asked why they didn’t have an occupation, a spartan replied “[...]Our aim is that, unlike you, we shouldn’t be concerned with every random pastime.” While I’d like to think they were a leisurely people who appreciated the little things, it might have also had something to do with the ten slaves to every one Spartan. The sayings of Spartan women are perhaps some of the best and meanest coldest. Upon hearing her son died in battle a lady of Spartan replied, “Bury him, and let his brother take his place.” There were no Cindy Sheehans in Sparta.

Aside from the militancy and slaving, the Spartans are a group my generation could learn from. They were all dedicated to their community. They feared neither enemies or death and they didn’t wake up to be self-conscious ninnies. The only problem with today is enemies and allies are so intermingled and convoluted it can be hard to know who to bring the fight to and who to fight beside. Once you do figure out who you it is you should fight though please don’t be left with only “WTF-ur a lil bech. not FML , FYL fer realz.” Read up on the Spartans and other sources of wit so you can represent generation Y or you respective generation, with brevity and intelligence. You might also consider consulting a dictionary so you don’t spell like a dyslexic.

* I say old-timers because for these people because there are no such things as grown-ups. People don’t grow up. They simply grow old.

Why Corporations aren’t People

Political Economy 2 Responses »

Feb 012010

This post is a sad post to write. The Supreme Court, the ultimate arbitrating body of the land doesn’t know the difference between a person and multi-national corporations. The marketing gurus must be proud of themselves. The first amendment right of free speech that five of the nine guilty justices vehemently defended is now not only enjoyed by us but also our stock holdings, or at least their lobby budgets, or something…. How exactly corporations are considered citizens with full sets of political rights I just don’t understand.

Are the justices really so confused to think that brands are people? Is Justice Anthony M. Kennedy desperately looking for a boy named Target? Does Chief Justice Roberts think he met Disney on his trip to the Magic Kingdom last fall? This is exactly what the marketing wonks want too. They hope you think Nike is your friend. That he makes you cool and athletic. It’s that branding and relentless advertising that keeps you coming back to McDonald’s. It isn’t the food. Modern Man sees the ad on the subway. His stomach twinges and next thing he knows there he is, at the counter. He hands the girl on the other side a dollar. She hands him a shitty burger, and -smile- he’s loving it. Sometimes he stays awake at night wondering what he was eating before they started advertising 100% pure beef. Was there dog in there?

While all of congress stood when Obama scolded the Supreme Court, there must have been more than a few happy Republicans and Democrats. If we take that gesture as a form of political speech then we can safely say that they were standing their lying asses off. Standing during a political rally to show your support is a reasonable enough right to give people. Other forms of political speech protected by your first amendment rights are flag burning, holding up god-hates-fags signs, distributing Nazi propaganda, and getting naked in public. We take this right very seriously in this country.

So seriously that activists create organizations around people engaging in, sometimes heinous, political speech. Activists create these organizations to make their voices louder and for legal protection. A corporation, though, is formed first for profit. Its political contributions will surely spent so as to bring about a climate suiting its primary nature.

The ideal political climate for corporations would be a privatized Utopia where every service is a market and every resource a commodity. The water, the air all of it should all be up for sale. A RFID chipped supply chain of goods would support the Human Animal from cradle to grave in every endeavor. GE will just stick a reader in the refrigerator so they can monitor consumption from production to destruction. Provided of course the animal can pay, a consumerist fun house of gimmicks and gadgets will be showered down upon them provided by cheap labor. (This private utopia of course requires the right to exploit the most amount of work from workers, otherwise it wouldn’t be a “free market.”) They, the corpratocracy’s chosen daughters and sons, become advertisements themselves. Look at how happy they are with all their shit. Clearly those labels they wear make them superior creatures. Soon or later we might end up there. Perhaps sooner considering that corporations can spend as much money as they like to make this dream a reality.

Corporations though are not people. They are social constructs designed, as stated before, to make profits. It could be said corporations have interests but those interest are a construed amalgamation of the aspirations of the CEO, board of directors, and shareholders. By colluding through the corporate structure each actor augments their power. They have all thrown their lots in with on another. The company acts as the formal social structure to codify economic power. It turns financial power into real economic power by amassing machines, trucks, bulldozers, loading docks, goods and employees. Huge amounts of funds and real capital allow corporations like Wal-Mart incredible amounts of leverage not just over law makers and municipalities, but also over suppliers and employees. Apparently the majority of the Supreme Court sees no problems with enhancing corporate power. Never mind that ownership of the capital is increasingly concentrated in fewer and fewer hands. Never mind growing income inequality. Never mind labors ever weaker bargaining position. We’re in a recession. That means we have to do what’s good for business even if that undermines our long-term economic stability or our personal freedoms. Whats good for GM is good for America! What is good for Goldman is good for America! So whens the next round of bail outs?

Seriously though, at least there is a backlash against this ruling. Perhaps people are beginning to wake up and smell the fascism.

Older Entries

Anarchist Canvissing

Kick it Like a Kennedy

Religious Whack Jobs

Triumphant (err… fairly routine) Return

Prima Donna Politics

A Crazy Little Thing Called Greeting Card Marketing

Goldman, Goldman, Goldman.

Tea Party Politics

Spartan Brevity vs. LoLz LmAO!

Why Corporations aren’t People

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